A hay-penny will do

When I was growing up, we had a Bing Crosby Christmas record that had a song addressing the charitable spirit of the season. One line went something like "if you've got a penny, a penny will do; if you simply have a hay-penny, then God bless you." I suppose that means that if you are down to a hay-penny, then you don't have enough even to give a little to charity. A hay-penny was a half penny. It was an English coin.

But if there were a hay-penny in the U.S. currency, I suppose I'd be chasing after them because I think every little bit helps. For example:

1. It really bothers me that when there is some stereo-typical profile of a cheapster, there is some reference of squeezing the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube. I am here to tell you that even after the last squeeze, there is enough for five or six good brushings.

The first time I thought about this I cut the tube in half and started to brush the inside, but then I realized I was contaminating the sides with my brush. So now I horizontally cut the tube in five or six pieces, one for each use.

2. Every time I use dishwashing liquid, I routinely run the top of the bottle under the water and into the suds I am working up. That keeps the top from getting gunky--gunk that could have been usuable soap.

3. Of course, the last shampoo always is gotten after swishing some water around the bottle.

With all this work, I might have extended the use of these products by at least 60 days over the course of my life, and I intend to live to 100.

I do some other cheapy things, but I anticipate that my friends are going to make enough fun of me with these. I am not going to give them any more ammunition.